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With dollar signs flashing before their eyes, investors rush to
plunk
down their
hard-earned dough and invest in private prison corporations.
Stock prices soar, whoopee!!!, profits head for the stratosphere,
politicians and employees in state after state embrace privatization
like
they would a voluptuous 18 year old virgin who promises to take them
further
than they have ever been before, as they fight to slop at the trough of
individualism, capitalism, free markets, the great American way, Momma,
and apple pie with whipped cream...
Did I miss anything?
Okay! Okay! If you hate apple pie and love cherry pie, consider
it mentioned. Chocolate, Lemon, Key Lime... whatever, already! If you
hate
motherhood... okay, your gripe is noted for the record. If that's you,
be glad yo' Momma didn't feel the same way.
Stock prices and profits ain't gonna go no way but up! Right?
Well...
perhaps not exactly. You see, folks, there's a little problem most
investors
and states either don't know about, or don't want to know about, when
it
comes to private prisons.
It's the "I" word.
Prison is a violent place, at times. Violence in prison ain't
nothing
new. Everyone knows that. Sometimes the prisoners get carried away and
beat the hell out of each other, kill now and then, rape a few hundred
fellow prisoners, and sometimes the guards get into the action and bust
a few thousand heads, either breaking up fights, or reacting to an
attack
or insult from a prisoner. Ain't nothing new 'bout that, either. Goes
on
all the time. Condemn it all you want. Or, hell, praise it if it turns
you on. Different strokes and all that.
If you're a state-employed prison guard, you bust some prisoner
up the side of the head, break his arms, legs, throw him in the hole
naked
and without blankets, or do something else he sues you for, you have
the
"I" word on your side--IMMUNITY--to one degree or another, under the
Federal
Civil Rights Act, 42 USC 1983. No, I don't mean you have full immunity.
On the other hand, if you are a privately-employed guard, warden,
executive of the corporation, or whatever, you ain't got diddly squat
in
the way of immunity under 1983-- Zero! Nada! Zilch!-- and you can be
sued
by a prisoner for everything you own including your jock strap, or bra,
for any ladies out there working for private prison systems.
The lack of immunity may mean you can lose your car, your house,
your cat, dog, maybe even your old lady if some convict is horny enough
to want her! Well... maybe I exaggerate about the old lady. Besides,
the
way some of the wives of guards look, it would take a blind prisoner
who
is real stupid to even be turned on by them. Most prisoners are not
stupid.
Often uneducated, yeah.
Blind prisoners are extremely rare. I did run across one in a
Virginia
joint back in 1978... blind, that is. The judge that sentenced him to
prison
must have two huge brass balls that require a pickup to carry around!
What does this mean for the private prison corporation?
Megabucks of trouble, as in massive civil judgments, emptied bank
accounts, falling stock prices, maybe even bankruptcy! Who knows, maybe
even a suicide or two of top executives... naw... forgot, this ain't
Japan.
Come to think about it, some U.S. dudes took the dive in the '20's.
What about the employees? Look for huge numbers of personal
bankruptcies.
"Hell", you say, "ain't no prisoner ever gonna git any of dem dere
big judgments against any private prison corporations! Lawyers don't
get
involved in that kind of stuff!"
Flawed argument!
Presently, most lawyers hesitate to get involved in prisoner suits
against a state or the federal government because of the immunity issue
and the old boy and gal state and federal prison network sticking
together
and supporting one another's lies.
Before too many of you flame me and
say that most prison system employees are honest...
Could be, and if that's
your opinion, Right On!, like they used to say in the '60's. Plus, it's
hard for any lawyer to make any money worth much from the state or the
feds. Juries usually buy any story the publicly-employed defendants
come
up with, and decide against the prisoner. That's assuming the prisoner
is lucky enough to survive a Motion to Dismiss for failure to state a
claim
or cause of action, or one for Summary Judgment. Few are that lucky.
I have to admit that when a lawyer does get involved in one of those
cases a lot of them either don't have much enthusiasm for the case, or
don't know what the hell they are doing. Just like tax law, corporate
law,
and a bunch of other specialties, if you go to trial in federal court
on a
1983 suit unprepared the judge is gonna hand you your butt on a silver
tray, what held the water carafe and glasses just before he ripped off
your butt, plunked it down on the tray, and told the clerk to kindly
deliver
it to you! That'll be before the judge has lunch. Just think what he is
going to do to you when he gets bored in the middle of the afternoon!
On the other hand... the plot doth thicken... Don't take no Sherlock
or Dr. Watson to figure this one out.
Private prisons: as in big bucks just waiting to be transferred
from the coffers of the operators into the pockets of eager,
well-qualified,
hungry lawyers. Maybe even some from big law firms with dozens of
partners
behind them, and hundreds of qualified legal support staff.
With a nice contingency percentage, the lack of immunity for private
prison people, an opportunity to make everyone up the line to, and
including,
top executives liable both personally and in their executive capacity
as
officers of the corporation, the ability to name the private
corporation
as a defendant... now we're talking serious bucks and serious interest
on the part of top law firms!!!
See what I mean? I'd hesitate to plunk down my money and buy into
any private prison operation. But if I'm wrong and you're right, you're
gonna be rich. I ain't!
Frisky, my retired cat, concurs with my opinion, to a narrow degree.
He claims he knows what a run down, flea-bitten, smelly prison is like.
Claims he lives in one all day long!
Must be his litter box he's talking about.
Last time I smelled the air in this old trailer all I smelled was stale cigar smoke and the odor from glasses half filled with beer... oh, yeah, and a sink with a dozen dishes what ain't been washed for a week or two. Smelled pretty good to me!
'Course, I ain't got no old lady rushing around and belittling my approach to retirement. But, then, I ain't getting too many favors from a well-endowed 30ish lady... Hmmm... maybe there is a point to be made for a fresh smelling trailer, with a nice 30 year old waiting on me hand and foot.
Naw, that's just dreaming... I wake up from my revelry and look
down
at the floor...
There stands Frisky, ready to open his big mouth, take a deep
breath,
and start complaining. "The litter box stinks, the food sucks, I'm
dying
from secondhand smoke...I ain't gettin' no lovin’..."
Fat chance of the
latter, he's neutered.
Hey, I think this is where I came in.
Any lawyers who want to get in on the ground floor litigating
against
private prisons and lusting after all them bucks they got, maybe even
getting
to spend a mil or two of them, there’s plenty of cases out there.
There's
a prisoner case involving a private prison that is going to trial
sometime
this year. I think it's in Wisconsin. The dude needs a hungry lawyer
who
smells big bucks!!!
Sorry, but I can't throw in an 18 year old virgin as a fringe
benefit.
I don't know any! If I run across one, she belongs to this sexy,
senior,
citizen! You ain't even gettin' near.
I'm sure that in the months ahead there will be plenty more private
prison cases available. Hooray for the private prison corporation. May
everybody get rich!
Everyone except Frisky. He enjoys poverty. Says it helps him work
on his Karma.
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